Things on my mind today.

Well. I am REALLY good with remembering dates, for the most part, and today 1 year ago I found out we would be blessed with another baby in our home. Of course at the time of finding out I didn't have those "exact" thoughts, I was actually very shocked and kinda overwhelmed with the idea. I knew we possibly wanted more kids but I really didn't picture right then. It took me about the day to get over it, then I was happy but didn't know how to tell Mike, he was the one always making comments about how DONE we were. So with Father's Day around the corner I held my tongue. That was the hardest thing ever, I tell Mike EVERYTHING. I kinda made comments every now and again but he never caught on. So, the day before Father's Day we were at our family reunion and Molli encouraged me to tell him then in front of everyone before we all went home. So we made a plan, we would have everyone get together and give out our Father's Day gifts for those who had gifts to give. I went last I believe. I gave Mike a shoe box, and in it was a shirt that he lifted out and read. "PROUD FATHER OF 5." He was confused and so was everyone else till his mom said "Really?". Mike said "we need to talk", he laughed it off but was very surprised. It took him a week to get over that, and now that Madden is here we wouldn't change it for the world. 9 weeks along

Another thing on my mind today is Azure. Today is her birthday. She would have been 26. I will always remember this day because I messed it up 1 time and promised I wouldn't do that again.

Azure was one of my best friends, I sure do miss her. For awhile there when I needed to talk I would pick up the phone and she was the only one I would even want to talk to. That feeling when I pick up the phone has differently numbed a little but I still would love to have that conversation with her.

When I look through things in my house while organizing I still find things that remind me of her;

A recipe she wrote for me on a yellow piece of notebook paper

Her signature in my sign in book for my wedding

A "don't eat pete" game board she made for my kids while babysitting

A fat, black hair tie I have that looks like the one she was wearing the day of her passing

(and the only reason I remember that is cause Brian asked me what he should do with it when it was given to him)

A night gown that Eighmey still wears, was one she was wearing while taking a pic with Azure

(pictured below, yes it still fits Eighmey it is just a bit smaller)

When I make certain foods like chicken cordon blue(spelling?)

JUST EVERYTHING!!!!!

I sure do miss her. Today I was telling Mike that it was her birthday and Jaimin heard me and told me we should make a cake and hide it and act like she ate it. I think Azure would love a cake made by Jaimin.

Now I am getting teary eyed so I must close, I just want to say I will never forget this beautiful girl, I will never forget the fun we had together. I will never forget the time we watched The Office for the first time and she hated it, just to stay up and watch episode after episode months later (that show grows on you). I will never forget playing games with that woman, she always got crap from Brian and Mike about cheating when they were the ones cheating. She would always say she was never going to play with them again and still did cause we would beg.

The list goes on and on of the things I wont forget. I am grateful for this list, and for all the memories that it holds. I miss you Azh, Happy Birthday!